as we were the day we met,
us
you and me
hard to believe
that we were ever that young.
You used to smoke all my cigarettes when I still smoked
I always paid for everything
and lied about it to everyone,
embarrassed that you used me
acting like I didn't realize
because I loved you so much.
You never loved me until it was too late by that time I had grown up enough to know it couldn't work,
I always knew
that awful truth
beneath my consistent disappointment.
My constant letdown
was poetic
as all things are in retrospect.
Some can't believe I would ever make amends
but we both know I was awful too.
There are things that happened
between us
Remembering them
only for us.
And I am still sorry
And I still think about you
On the way home from work when the sun is in my eyes
and when I've had too much to drink.
You look happy.
