Thursday, August 20, 2015

This heat is suffocating

Lightning is a visual echo

Pulses across the night sky
Illuminates the violet behind
Showing it's violence
My mind is a mirror image 
Of this unstable beauty
Through tears 
Or rain
The chaos is to be appreciated
Reacting to the heat surrounding
So much pressure
It has to explode to show you what it can do
The fleeting instability
To remind you
It's here
Then gone
We're all alone in this 
Aren't we?

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Astral Planes and Bloody Knees

I looked up
head tilted back
the weight of summer 
beared down hard 

Warm concrete beneath my feet 
dissected by power lines
my backyard sky glowed blue and pink
the colors viewed
through my merlot haze 

the arrival of June
ushered in beasts
I bloodied both knees 
during Mercury Retrograde
the visit was a brief and painful one

June's departure left raw
tender grief
my papa left too
two days after the summer solstice    

the beasts remained,
The earth kept turning.

The skies look down 
governing us,
maybe they're judging us
laughing at our earthly misadventures
Looking up, it makes me wonder

and looking skyward makes me think of him 
his old man grin
remembering the way light would look on beige carpet floors
entering through the slats of blinds 
and doors 
of his house he no longer occupies 
and never will again 

My slice of sky, a reminder tonight
of the tails and trails of cosmic dust               
I saw while sitting outside 
during a meteor shower 
and called him on his last birthday
last winter.

Now July
I ask of you 
please be kinder 
be more gentle
my knees are healing
but look the way I imagine my heart does now, 
scabbed over 
and wont to crack at any time.
 

Monday, February 17, 2014

Life is about circles, cyclicity, parallels,sameness. So funny that we're always craving new, all the while acting in the same manner as before but in new surroundings. Maybe your surroundings repeat themselves too. So it is within our lives. So many, many lives. Tales. Stories. Experiences. Pain begets more pain and more misunderstanding. 
So what's it's all worth? What does it all mean? It's the flashes in between. Those fleeting moments, they're what keep us all from breaking out of the loop. First love electricity. The vibrations we emit on the first spring day after an icy and heart wrenching winter. The desert sky at night that lacks light pollution, where the stars shine like a sheer curtain has been pulled back to allow them to finally, fully dazzle the way they're meant to. All of these moments and more and the way your eyes and mind work together to keep a visual diary that's on the bookshelf of your brain. 
But your heart keeps making the same mistakes, because it has no partner in crime. 
And for that reason, we'll never stand a chance.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Hey Suburbia

Deep hum of a low flying plane 
against an empty sky,
it's a lovely buzz 
seemingly only heard 
in the backyards of suburbs.

Houses with L shaped pools
2 car garages,
poster covered rooms 
and thumb tack pierced walls.

Quietly opened bedroom windows
let us out
and let in the night
straddling window panes
lit by moon rays and street lights
just to make it to the cul-de-sac.

Clandestine meetings with bad boys 
or girls
sneaking cigarettes 
while heavy handed vodka pours
provided fuel 
for miles 
of youthful mistakes.

Barefoot in a Smiths T-shirt
smelling of menthol smoke
summer night warmth
coming alive while the neighborhood slept.

We were naked in pools
that reflected the moon
crickets sang with the frogs.
we'd sing with them
interrupting their songs
until it was time 
for late night TV
beckoning with open arms
and strobe light shadows against living room walls
nothing  to do except
sleep until noon the next day.

I miss those days of irresponsibility and 
no responsibility

Youth is wasted on the dumb

Sometimes I'll hear that hum
of a low flying plane
and it takes me back.




Monday, December 9, 2013

Road to...

I love the sound of tires on wet roads,
cars leave behind rings of warped hues 
that look like tree stump rainbows,
oily puddles in the street.

Drivers in a hurry
to get to work
or school 
or nowhere in particular. 
Their minds elsewhere 
on everything 
or nothing in particular. 

Cars traverse paved surfaces which show pearlescent pools of color;
evidence of their journey
or stillness. 

Each contains a different situation
heading towards a different destination
a different point in a different life. 

One driver thinks of divorce 
another making a mental grocery list.
Wheels spinning
(of minds)
wheels spinning 
(of cars)
through the rain.







Thursday, November 21, 2013

Dissecting dysfunction

I want to see the stars as clearly as they're meant to be seen, which is also how I'd like to see my life.

 I want my vision sharpened  so much that I see through false intentions. 

I want a clear path ahead of me, obsidian sky above me. 

Yet character is created from chaos, not constant clarity, which is simultaneously unfortunate and miraculous.

 Chaos is cloudy and difficult to navigate. 

Mental chaos is driving in heavy fog when you can't see anything in front of you. 
It's all you, your thoughts, some panic, fear. 

Unknown things lie in wait before you,
but you can't quite grasp what the fuck you're supposed to be prepared for.

You're stuck in your car, or in your mind. Perhaps both, which is usually me. 
Yet I'm a professional navigator now, and I hide so much from so many. 

My thoughts are that delicate gold chain in the bottom of some makeshift contraption I'm using as a jewelry box.

 They're tangled beyond repair. 

Maybe they'll be unraveled and figured out one day, but that might take more time than it's worth.

 How did these twists and turns work themselves into such a complex state of affairs in the first place? 

So they're left alone at the bottom of the jewelry box. 
Or mind; I neglect those kinks within.  

They take up residence with the rest of the contents of my psyche. 

Mundane memories are cheap rings from gumball machines. 

Cruel comments spoken by someone  who said they loved me years ago (and i believed them) are the jewelry my grandmother gave me the last time I ever saw her. 

Hurts the same?  Lies dormant the same?

 Is this to be figured out? Untangled?Dwelled upon? Or left as is? It's just hanging out there.
Does it retain it's value, it's worth?
 
Should such dysfunction be dissected in an attempt to reap any reward? 

Some days it makes more sense than others. 
Most days it's best to leave it alone. 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

All that I remember.

It shakes me up like a snow globe to remember us 
as we were the day we met,
us
you and me
hard to believe
that we were ever that young.

You used to smoke all my cigarettes when I still smoked
I always paid for everything 
and lied about it to everyone,
embarrassed that you used me
acting like I didn't realize 
because I loved you so much.

You never loved me until it was too late by that time I had grown up enough to know it couldn't  work,                  
 I always knew
that awful truth
beneath my consistent disappointment.
My constant letdown
was poetic
as all things are in retrospect.

Some can't believe I would ever make amends
but we both know I was awful too.
There are things that happened
between us
Remembering them 
only for us.

And I am still sorry
And I still think about you
On the way home from work when the sun is in my eyes
and when I've had too much to drink.

You look happy.